the word is ....

This happened on my visit to the dr :

Dr A: so what are you doing now.
Me: I just got my degree , currently looking for my job.

Dr A: oh so what did u studied?
Me : I studied nursing in XXX, I'm a nurse actually.

Shortly after that , another Dr walks in ... Dr A presented the case

Dr B : So , what is she doing now?

Dr A : oh , shes unemployed.

Me :.....

I've been looking for a word to describe what am i doing now.

It used to be "oh, i'm studying nursing in IMU "

Now it its "oh, i just got my degree in nursing , currently looking for a job"

IN SHORT ----> unemployed

So , i guess that the best word to use to describe what am I now.

Does it really matter if I sent my applications late?

Does it really matter if I choose to go for rare options?

Does it really matter if I am a bit different from the rest ?

These are the questions that runs in my mind . Not to forget those unnecessary stimulants that I get from people around me, despite doing all that were necessary.
I guess I'm still not too sure about the reasons for all these to be happening, neither have i found anyone to take the blame. Of dreaming to have a life which i do not have to worry about work, I'm actually living it now, with a lot of stress. In fact, i dont even have a job. I just desperately need a job ( as a nurse)....... please help ....

Found-ed: Prince Charming

This blog post it will be titled "Wanted: Prince Charming" , if it were to be posted 3 months ago. Maybe, with a long list of what I wish to have in MY fairy tale ?

Well, let me tell you that this princess has finally found her prince charming AND is ready to live happily ever after together ....

That doesn't mean that she will never have to work hard for it, both of them will need to.

Thank you for giving me a chance to live in my fairy tale, or should i say , our fairy tale =)

desensitization

went through a series of desensitization

the question is

is this the right thing to do?

or

will it even help?

the experience was not pleasant at all....

If only there were technologies or superpowers that could remove that block of memory out of me.

May I be able to get through everything peacefully......

One to Ten

If you ask me if I love you

on a scale of one to ten, you’d

better be ready for my arbitrary answer,

“Well, what does the ten mean?”

Then I might ask, “What’s the one to me?...

while you’re throwing all these numbers at me.”

At moments a memorial would seem

too meager a recompense to me.

A random, thought provoking inquiry

of your love as it applies to me.

The princess sat upon the very pea

that brought such good fortune to me.

That brought my sweet fortune to me.

When you speak up...must you repeat

what I say metaphysically?

If we only know that we know nothing,

should I ever say what I mean?

So when I ask you if you love me,

must you spill these words upon me?

~ wonderful lyrics by The Mollies

guard harder!

Finally some sort of happy post, i guess.....

Past four weeks of my elective attachment in XXH was like some of the longest days where they creeped by so so so so slooooooowly. With tonnes of other things to focus, I didn't quite enjoy the attachment as I expected it to be. The posting was in O&G, due to lots of limitations. I thought we were just flower pots in the wards looking nice, smiling away to mothers and babies. Other than talking , we were speaking with mothers. True! 4 weeks of talking and smiling. Luckily the staffs were kind enough to babysit us.......

Finally , it had came to an end today.

Big things never comes when you expect it.

Today, today I had my first hand experiences in delivery. Dare not say conducting a delivery, for some of reasons, we are not even allowed to even touch it !(this was an emergency)

Wanna know why? because some individuals thinks that there are more important things to attend to than to attend a woman in labour, then coming in late giving lame reasons according to their previous reasons. Anyway, I was grateful that there were people like that , if its not because of their *ahem* attitude, I might not get the experience today =D

What happened was.....

"wanna do artificial rupture of membrane arr?? "

"yar, bring the kidney dish"

"ok"

brings the kidney dish, and she starts digging into the 8th wonder of the world.

a huge round of pulling , screaming and comforting. pulling , screaming and comforting.

"err, cant la , its ok , just leave it as it is"

"ok"

2 secs after she left

splash!!!!! why so yellowish ??

" membranes already ruptured!!!"

" os already full, be careful"

an enormous round of screaming and pulling, and screaming and pulling

lifts up the gown, huh?? whats that yellow bun doing there, looks closely

"BABY'S HEAD!!! BABY'S HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

grabs the pad and guard, trembles........ . actually it was like just placing the pad under the 8th wonder of the world, pressure???? not so ........

And the wiser one comes in and take over....

was still trembling ..........

baby was all out, crying his lungs out.....

All the above happened in less than 3 minutes, I was still trembling .....

Unfortunately, there was still a second degree tear.

Why ? because everything happened too quickly and it wasn't guarded properly.

The right thing to do was: To guard harder and try to push the head low.

Thankfully, the person who is suppose to do all the above was finally there to repair the damage.

This was the biggest lesson I had for the entire attachment. And it only happened on the last day.....

Lucky me, I didn't had any training for these but I had a feel of it.

Thinking of it sends shiver down my spine.

Well , its time to reconsider on what I've thought all these while, one month wasn't enough to convince me.....

Fears when i Fret

I'm proud to announce my biggest fear now is ....... *drum rolls *

FRET!!!

there is nothing to fear about other than to FRET.

Fret: –verb (used without object), to feel or express worry, annoyance, discontent,

or the like:Fretting about the lost ring isn't going to help.

Yes. See that example from the dictionary, fretting isn't going to help.

But who would help me to stop fretting over things that is almost beyond my control???

I'm still paranoid about the fact that I fret and always have those thoughts blocked. It is actually quite stupid of it. Lately, nervous breakdown seems to be too common. Its easily masked but deeply engraved in the thoughts day by day .

Why am I going through this? Wouldn't it be so much better if I could be less sensitive in life.

Anyone kind enough to give me a break.

just some water

Japan has always been one of the greatest civilizations that I admired.

This little island , packed with people is one of the leading country of Asia's economy and technologies advancement. Today, it was hit by the force of nature with just some water. Whats on the news were terrifying. Some said that its a pirated version of what happened in Indonesia, 2004.

All it takes was just some of the much much water of the earth to wipe, bit by bit , maybe the entire civilization? Of all the effort and ego, no matter how smart human could be. Nature will still take its course. Its time to think about it.

May God bless Japan.