What if soon is never too soon

soon never too soon?

what if soon is just too soon

Are we fools of time , effort and energy ?

for we never know what the future is.

some choose to believe what others have to say

jumping from a thought to another..... popping misery out of it

or is it the curiosity that one have

to see beneath the lid of Pandora's box.

some say the process is what makes it worth

well, whats the point of going through so much

only to know that at the end of the day , its just nothing but attachment ?

shall i let go for a better karmic link?

or is it more sensible to just cling on the journey the ultimate emptiness.

I wonder if a princess ever had thoughts as such... if she does , what will she do ?

desensitization

went through a series of desensitization

the question is

is this the right thing to do?

or

will it even help?

the experience was not pleasant at all....

If only there were technologies or superpowers that could remove that block of memory out of me.

May I be able to get through everything peacefully......

guard harder!

Finally some sort of happy post, i guess.....

Past four weeks of my elective attachment in XXH was like some of the longest days where they creeped by so so so so slooooooowly. With tonnes of other things to focus, I didn't quite enjoy the attachment as I expected it to be. The posting was in O&G, due to lots of limitations. I thought we were just flower pots in the wards looking nice, smiling away to mothers and babies. Other than talking , we were speaking with mothers. True! 4 weeks of talking and smiling. Luckily the staffs were kind enough to babysit us.......

Finally , it had came to an end today.

Big things never comes when you expect it.

Today, today I had my first hand experiences in delivery. Dare not say conducting a delivery, for some of reasons, we are not even allowed to even touch it !(this was an emergency)

Wanna know why? because some individuals thinks that there are more important things to attend to than to attend a woman in labour, then coming in late giving lame reasons according to their previous reasons. Anyway, I was grateful that there were people like that , if its not because of their *ahem* attitude, I might not get the experience today =D

What happened was.....

"wanna do artificial rupture of membrane arr?? "

"yar, bring the kidney dish"

"ok"

brings the kidney dish, and she starts digging into the 8th wonder of the world.

a huge round of pulling , screaming and comforting. pulling , screaming and comforting.

"err, cant la , its ok , just leave it as it is"

"ok"

2 secs after she left

splash!!!!! why so yellowish ??

" membranes already ruptured!!!"

" os already full, be careful"

an enormous round of screaming and pulling, and screaming and pulling

lifts up the gown, huh?? whats that yellow bun doing there, looks closely

"BABY'S HEAD!!! BABY'S HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

grabs the pad and guard, trembles........ . actually it was like just placing the pad under the 8th wonder of the world, pressure???? not so ........

And the wiser one comes in and take over....

was still trembling ..........

baby was all out, crying his lungs out.....

All the above happened in less than 3 minutes, I was still trembling .....

Unfortunately, there was still a second degree tear.

Why ? because everything happened too quickly and it wasn't guarded properly.

The right thing to do was: To guard harder and try to push the head low.

Thankfully, the person who is suppose to do all the above was finally there to repair the damage.

This was the biggest lesson I had for the entire attachment. And it only happened on the last day.....

Lucky me, I didn't had any training for these but I had a feel of it.

Thinking of it sends shiver down my spine.

Well , its time to reconsider on what I've thought all these while, one month wasn't enough to convince me.....

Fears when i Fret

I'm proud to announce my biggest fear now is ....... *drum rolls *

FRET!!!

there is nothing to fear about other than to FRET.

Fret: –verb (used without object), to feel or express worry, annoyance, discontent,

or the like:Fretting about the lost ring isn't going to help.

Yes. See that example from the dictionary, fretting isn't going to help.

But who would help me to stop fretting over things that is almost beyond my control???

I'm still paranoid about the fact that I fret and always have those thoughts blocked. It is actually quite stupid of it. Lately, nervous breakdown seems to be too common. Its easily masked but deeply engraved in the thoughts day by day .

Why am I going through this? Wouldn't it be so much better if I could be less sensitive in life.

Anyone kind enough to give me a break.

BRING IT ON!

After much procrastinations , I'm gonna get it done these two nights.

Be it on Zombie mode, I want this weekend to be a great one!

DND me in class , sometimes better things could be done, but its rather not allowed.

So i'm doing what is allowed, which is to be physically present with eyes wide open and to visit dreamland secretly.

BRING IT ON!

nearer to ...

Often wonders what is the self doing when others are bringing people nearer to space.

Instead bringing some nearer to the tomb, WHAT ON THIS FREAKING EARTH?????

Lullaby

falling in love with the songs and the lyrics of it ...

enjoy Priscilla Ahn ~

The Perfect Plan

2000-650-350=1000

1000 X 2.3 = 2300

2300- 500 - 450 - 300 = 1050

1050 X 24 = 252000

10000-2250= 7750

7750X 12 = 93000

93000X 3 = 279000

279000 -250000 = 29000

10000-2250= 7750

7750X 12 = 93000

93000X 3 = 279000

29000 + 279000 = 308000

270000

=)

Spring of the Lunar

Do you finally smell spring? I think she blew me a warm kiss just now.

The warm breeze of the new year finally arrived, but this time with more rain with it. More more than usual.

So many things happened over the long weekend, it is suppose to hint something.

From black to red to loosing my precious baby, every single hour counts. Also, with so much squeezing in, time never seems to be on my side. And at this very wee hour, which I'm suppose to be doing something productive (resting counts too) , I'm here again wondering around this little space of mine.

As mentioned in the title of this post, Spring of the Lunar is around the corner. This one would be one of the most special ones i used to have, hopefully the best as the following one will never be the same. Too much is going in the mind again. Next spring will be challenging, even for myself to be where I used to celebrate it like any other years. Of course, being able to celebrate it as we used to would also be another story.

Expectations? Abilities? Availabilities? Moods?

They all seem to joining the dots and then I saw the line, too much to consider for the self.

Since its too complicated, I shall plan on how to make this year's the vivid one. Its time to drag the lazy ass back to serious work and a LOT of serious spring cleaning. I shall not disappoint myself this time!

haaa.... feeling the breeze again.

This song reminds me of how I used to decorate the house with dotty little red decos. That was when the little hands were so good at meddling around with the empty red packets, decades ago.

Mee, Dee, Po wait for me arr , when I finish my assignment, I'm yours.

Tomorrow i shall start kicking it all ! =)

Enjoy the song and Blessed Lunar New Year everyone!

RED is now the new black

Its been black for the past twenty two years. It was healthy dark and thick, somehow what blend.

Today the guts got surged and painted it red!

It shines perfectly under the sun, for now the new black is red.

I once said, colouring it marks the the beginning of fall, and it will fall quicker than ever. The self is no longer as naive as it used to be?

Perhaps that was what I used to believe in.After all its just a colour !

It takes more than being naive to feed the self for this life here.

If you think that it'll fall, I have all your "blessings".

For what I know, everything is ever changing.

Why would one want to live in the past when the best things in life are waiting ahead?

My pleasure to listen of what you have to say, but before that think before you even do so.

blame it on the social network

Sometimes i couldnt help but to put blames on one of the greatest invention of mankind in social network. The creation of facebook. For countless reasons, facebook had been invading life , it should take the blame of me not finishing my work as I planned. Not being able to focus while i'm doing somewhat more important things on the internet (e.g.: emails, searching and reading journals , articles , and sometimes blogging =P). Not getting enough sleep at night because most of the time I'll be scrolling and scrolling at the homepage, clicking and looking at posts that might/might not benefit me, and not to mention half of the posts are posted by people which I'm not too close with. In short, most of the time are just wasted. Yes! I'm aware about it since the day I signed up for my account. Worst still when one day, I noticed that the moment google chrome pops out, facebook would be the first to visit. It was fun at the very beginning but not so much now. But still! Its a mystery for me, why am I still spending so much time on it when I get almost NOTHING out of it, not even fun? = \

Or do you NORMAL people call it ADDICTION ?

So, what do you say Mark Zuckerberg ?

No worries Mark, despite all the nasty things that people do on facebook. Or all the nasty things that facebook caused. I still LOVE you so much MARK!

In case if I disappoint you sometimes, its somehow not my fault. You know who to blame =)

First Ever

Greetings everyone, proud to say that this is my very first blog post.

Like what your see in on the header of this blog, it is the world through MY eyes.

Many more to explore, much more to absorb and digest and learn??

I hope these are what life/ the world had prepared for me to look through the eyes.

Dear blog,

Its lovely to have finally made you, a place where all the blog posts speak of the good and bad of the world through MY eyes. May I be able to control myself and to not flood this blog with overwhelming or harmful emotions which I myself find it hard to believe. The control to not over-indulge in my feelings will be essential for a quality post, I hope.

your dearest blogger,

XinY~*